‘The Wind’ blows

There is a reason I don’t like horror movies. One cares about characters, but then suddenly they perish or fall into some ridiculous scenario involving skulls with crossbones attached.

I recently had the chance to review a horror movie I was curious about, so I decided to take one for the team. “The Wind” can probably be classified as a mystery-suspense thriller, but I think it belongs in the horror genre.

“The Wind” essentially follows a woman living on a farm five miles from nowhere on an open plot of land in Middle America. The closest residence is visible from about a mile away since one can see light from windows across the plain.

Like television’s amazing “Hill Street Blues,” no set location is ever mentioned. For arguments sake, I would classify this as 1800s Old West.

The weird thing about this flick is that first names are not really mentioned much. There is an entire sequence where the two women play a guessing game mentioning both boys and girls names.

For the record, the characters’ names are Lizzy Macklin (Caitlin Gerard) and Emma Harper (Julia Goldani Telles). The duo shares a close kinship because they are mothers-to-be.

I hate to say it, but I’m glad to be living in 21st century modern day America. I’m a little spooked by spirits and the undead, so it’s the little hairs on the back of the neck that still have me avoiding fright flicks like the bubonic plague. Hence, I am a wimp and I do not like having these images burned in the back of my brain as well.

At the helm of directing this disappointing tale is Emma Tammi, a documentary filmmaker making her feature debut. “The Wind” did receive some accolades last year from the film community in Philadelphia.

I think I’m a little too spoiled by all the amenities offered at our doorstep that can be accessed by pinging on our modern devices. Like I’ve said in the past, I am not a fan of this genre.

If you mix in some ridiculous shenanigans, however, then I am all in.

For example, I thought Tobe Hooper’s “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” starring the great Dennis Hopper in 1986 was worth a re-watch. I even own the special edition on Blu-ray.

I also relish anything that involves the undead and comedy. Some of my favorites are Kathryn Bigelow’s vampire tale “Near Dark” (1987); Edgar Wright’s zombie-comedy “Shaun of the Dead” (2004); Todd Holland’s “Fright Night” (1985); Peter Jackson’s “Dead-Alive” (1992) and “The Frighteners” (1996).

As a matter of fact, they even did a zombie comedy-musical last year titled “Anna and the Apocalypse.” I did not find it amazing, but I did give it a B-.

Getting back to “The Wind,” there are just too many “boo scares and jumps” to even recommend this at all.

It is just a silly piece of popcorn entertainment. Nothing at all profound, earth shaking or intriguing.

It’s like a so-so order of Chinese takeout. It suits the palate for a brief spell, but less than an hour later, your tummy wants something more substantial.

Grade: C-